(a song, of sorts)
Stradivarius arrested
for insolent joy
of splayed strings
shackled
the rack employed
shame her
bout, her neck
the way she played
him
sentence swiftly
misleading, strained.
fallen,
crest forward
something flayed
what we wove in her
notes
she hadn't played.
she never strayed
Stradivarius singing
ignominious wail
of severed gut
strung up
waist impaled
take her
rest, caress
your chin replayed
your
wanton reading
misled, mis-portrayed
risen,
scroll forward
time justly displayed
what we wove in her
notes
she hadn't played.
she never strayed
Gorgeous, succinct last 2 lines! I almost wonder if they would work on their own, in a couplet?
ReplyDeleteThe short line breaks work well here. Love the music,love "ignominious wail/of severed gut."
Thanks O. will update with couplets - tell me what you think.
DeleteI like both versions, actually. Also just noticed that you broke the line and stanza at mis-portrayed. Starting the new stanza with risen gives a tonal/relational shift to the poem. (Same with strayed/fallen) Very thoughtful craft, Miss Chala.
DeleteReally wish I could say that i know what i'm doing.. but only know to use my ear, as Ally taught me - and try to stay true to the image... but love how writing itself unfolds new, unexpected images, twists to the tale... i put the last 2 lines back where they were as they need the closer proximity to "notes" (allowing the reading "notes she hadn't played")
Delete